Jack Wiley Dithers: Sequestration For Dummies

(AP) – Jack Wiley Dithers Reporting 
“If You Can’t Scoop It, Make It Up.” 

Your intrepid reporter is fresh back from rehab tan, rested, and ready.¹ While in rehab I had a mystical experience that taught me I don't have a drinking problem, I have a revenue problem. Upon my escape release I went to the only place in town with locks to which I still possess keys ... the apartment of my old friend LibertyAtStake.

Upon entering stealthily, I could hear the old man snoring in the back bedroom. After awhile I woke him up. It was tense at first - I was forced to explain I had consumed his prize stick of gourmet pepperoni and three bottles of imported German Pilsener. I couldn't help myself but to help myself - rehab provisions royally suck. The nut job even took a photograph for evidence.

Anyway, I proceeded to explain my revenue problem to the only editor in town who still takes my copy. He told me he needed an erudite piece on a current event known as "Sequestration" - which he initially explained as a 2% across the board cut in federal spending. My immediate reaction of course was "who the hell could possibly care?" Would anyone notice if Michael Moore lost 2% of his body weight? If Barack Obama was 48% black, instead of 50% black, would his political narrative be any different?

Upon which LAS pressed his case Sequestration would surely mean the end of days ... or at least great material for his comic tragic political blog dedicated to chronicling Barack Obama's criminally incompetent leadership kabuki dance. He pointed out Barack Obama has directed his administration, top to bottom, to make sure the cuts fall into the most visible accounts in order to stoke the greatest possible passion against cutting federal spending among the clueless masses. He said he needed an educational piece for the clueless masses, full of supporting links to under-reported stories of budgetary skullduggery and poll statistics demonstrating Obama's crooked game is back-firing on him. Then he sighed and lamented he certainly knew from long experience he was asking the wrong man to do the job. But, in deference to our long standing relationship, he asked me if I had any ideas to offer.

Just then a text message arrived from my White House contact expressing congratulations for my escape release from rehab, and offering up an secret audiotape recording of Bod Woodward's recent and highly publicized visit to the Oval Office. My operative referred to it as the 'Thank You Sir May I Have Another' tape. Alert to revenue possibilities as always, I offered the idea to LAS and he rejected it. Something about "we've done that one a gazillion times already" - and then a lot of muttering and stammering about "moving 'forward' you fool", which became 'Vorwarts! Vorwarts!'² in an angry Teutonic sounding tone when he laid eyes on the empty Pilsener bottles.

After the nut job settled down, we negotiated a compromise idea befitting my talents and serving his purposes. When we modified the target audience from 'clueless masses' to 'hapless GOP' everything fell into place.

==

Memo to the Hapless GOP: The Empty Suit Known as Barack Hussein Obama has sustained a self-inflicted wound that puts you back into the game struggle to save the republic from Progressive ruin. Your marching orders for capitalizing on this opportunity are 'No quarter, No compromise.' When Tsung Tzu said that thing about not interfering when your enemy is destroying himself, he was half right. Now is a time to cut through the information fog created by the propaganda organs of Corrupt and Biased Liberal Media with clever information campaigns of your own. I know "clever" doesn't come easily to you guys, so here's a few ideas to get you started.

Counter the administration's decision to close White House tours, designed specifically to disappoint the clueless masses, with a 24x7 presence at the White House gate for a giant sign that says something like "This way to the still open Capitol Hill tour." Or, better yet, "Turkey Farm tour starts here."³

You know those electronic billboards that litter the landscape of federally funded "infrastructure projects"? Make sure there is one in front of every National Park Barry and his Gang of Leftist Kleptocrats chooses to close to rile up the clueless masses. Make sure every one is a constantly running ticker of the most objectively wasteful federal spending he chose to keep safe from "sequester."

Hire private investigators to follow and document the activities of the illegal alien criminals released by Janet Napolitano. You can start with offering the assignment to the many ICE agents who are royally pissed off by having to implement her derelict directives.

Follow the example of Rand Paul for how to generate publicity despite media bias - which is to say, use every parliamentary tool at your disposal to attack, atttack, attack. The Left has been doing it since at least when they invented the verb 'to Bork.' Ignore the example of the RINO Senator delegation that foolishly distracted from Senator Paul's courageous flanking maneuver by accepting the Empty Suit's empty dinner offer. It was a phony gesture motivated by bad (for him) poll trends. Remember the phony Blair House Summit right before Obamacare was shoved down your throats on a partisan vote? It's exactly like that.

No quarter. No compromise.

(AP) – Jack Wiley Dithers Reporting 
“If You Can’t Scoop It, Make It Up.” 

Footnotes

¹ I had the '92 version of the T-shirt once. Nixon was definitely the best available option that year.

² About that new Obama slogan.

³ "Turkey farm" is DC dialect for government departments created to warehouse federal employees who would otherwise be fired, if they could be.

* Jack Wiley Dithers is the alter ego of LibertyAtStake, who is the alter ego of a vaguely accomplished self-employed Northern Virginia based Project Manager who maintains his professional profile at "http://www.linkedin.com/pub/joe-figliola/1/bb6/19a".

Update 3/14/13

Regarding the memo ... Now, this is what I'm talkin' about ... No quarter, No compromise.

Update #2 3/14/13

Paco, of Paco Enterprises, seems to have some useful experience as both ICE agent and private investigator. LAS applauds Paco's efforts to restore law and order to this dark age of sequestration and its roving bands of illegal alien criminals.