“If You Can’t Scoop It, Make It Up.”
*2013 events and dialogue in this font
*2020 events and dialogue in this font
*Dithers' transcription from future LAS' thumb drive in this font
This past weekend I was
In the course of seeking new revenue in Dr. Hamilton's manor, I happened upon a nondescript door I had never before noticed. This door was built into the stairs leading to the basement. I
As I was soaking in the machine's majesty, I was startled by Dr. Hamilton's voice coming from the top of the stairs ("Dithers, is that you?"), which caused me to bump into the machine and spill the bourbon and ginger ale I had prepared from Dr. Hamilton's well stocked bar. The sequence of events that proceeded from there was a hazy, psychedelic, maelstrom of sights, sounds, and smells roughly approximating what happened that time I bit into that mushroom in Boy Scout Survival Training.
(Hamilton)"Dithers! You fool! The machine! Damn it he's melted the space-time continuum modulator! Oh well, I'll just have to improvise."
(LibertyAtStake)"Dithers, what are you doing here? You're supposed to be in rehab ... oh yeah, the machine2 ... here, stop twitching so I can get this thumb drive into your pocket." "Doctor, just in time! Would you like to visit yourself in the cryogenic suspension facility? No, too late, running out of time, just help me get Dithers on his feet here."
(Hamilton)"Dithers! You fool! You could have thrown us both into another dimension. Perhaps even one that has no sherry ... the horror. Never mind, just transcribe the crap on that thumb drive future LAS gave you. I'm going upstairs to talk to my broker about cryogenic suspension start ups."
Shortly after the Republican landslide in the midterm elections of 2014, which gave the GOP a veto proof majority in the House and control of the Senate, President Obama announced he was battling a severe case of narcolepsy, and, in the best interests of the nation, would step down from his duties as President.
Some naysayers in the radical right wing extremist blogosphere speculated he staged the condition, because he was no longer interested in the job since his chance to ram through the rest of agenda had passed him by. Since his treatment records have remained sealed, no one really knows for sure.
Historians note the sale of Alaska to China as the cornerstone achievement for Interim President Joseph Biden. The land sale balanced the federal budget for an entire year. Mr. Biden's brief term was also marked by a failed attempt to pass a one child policy through Congress.
Mr. Biden lost a rough and tumble 2016 Democrat primary to Hillary Clinton. Some political observers believe it was a Biden debate gaffe that made the difference - when he referred to Barack Obama as the first black President and Ms. Clinton corrected the record to clarify her husband was. Ms. Clinton easily defeated GOP nominee Jeb Bush, though many Establishment GOP hacks blamed 3rd party candidate Marco Rubio and 4th party candidate Rand Paul for splitting the conservative vote.
After Mr. Obama announced his miraculous recovery from narcolepsy in January 2017, he devoted himself to a campaign of repeal for the 22nd Amendment. After many months of rancorous debate fueled night after night by his lackeys at the alphabet networks, the matter was settled when Organizing For America (OFA) marched large angry mobs on Capitol Hill and 3/4 of all state capitols simultaneously. When the riots were over, it was official - the 22nd Amendment was repealed.
On June 1, 2017, OFA officially launched Mr. Obama's primary challenge against Ms. Clinton.
It was a long and bitter campaign that split the Democrat party between those who believe race trumps gender and those who believe the reverse. ABC ran an investigative series accusing Mr. Obama of misogyny, CBS ran ran an investigative series accusing Ms. Clinton of racism, and NBC declared bankruptcy when both campaigns declined to pay the bribes.
The 2018 mid term elections were suspended when Ms. Clinton declared martial law and dissolved Congress, after the health care insurance bubble burst and China called in all the loans. Ms. Clinton was convinced, however, to hold Presidential elections in 2020 after Valerie Jarrett showed her what was in the plain manila envelope. In June of 2020 the matter of the Democrat Presidential nomination was settled when ex-Interim President Biden announced his endorsement of Ms. Clinton. Barack Hussein Obama would be the Democrat nominee for 2020.
Fox News is preparing to air the No-Holds-Barred Steel Cage MMA match between Mr. Obama and 2020 Republican nominee Mark Levin. Both campaigns have agreed this match will determine the next President. If there is no knock out, the winner will be decided by a real time Fox poll of viewers. The first decision for the winner will be whether or not to lift the state of martial law and allow a new Congress to be elected. Polling shows Americans evenly split on this question.
(AP) - Jack Wiley Dithers Reporting
“If You Can’t Scoop It, Make It Up.”
Footnotes
1. LibertyAtStake first posted about Mr. Hamilton's time machine on March 23, 2012.
2. Knowing Dithers would eventually stumble upon the machine, past LAS had set it to transport Dithers to his apartment in 2020, as a precaution. During the time travel necessary to prepare these machine settings, LAS was very disappointed to learn that future LAS was still living in the same crappy apartment.
