Friday, August 23, 2013
How To Be a Project Manager In Three (3) Easy Steps
Step 1: Understand the scope of the work to be done.
Step 2: Assemble team of experts who know how to do the work.
Step 3: Remove process and tool obstacles for the team, shield team from stakeholder community a$$holes, foster relationships with stakeholder community yeomen, sell team work product to whoever will listen.
Now you know how to be a a Project Manager. Now get out there and build a system for somebody.
Footnote
Steps 1 and 2 are the pre-requisites to giving you a chance. Step 3 is what you do every day until the work is done. Then you need to find somebody willing to hire you to do it again. Because the work is done.
Thursday, August 8, 2013
Jack Wiley Dithers Exclusive: al-Qaeda Switching to ObamaPhones
(AP) - Jack Wiley Dithers Reporting
“If You Can’t Scoop It, Make It Up.”
My al-Qaeda mole recently contacted me via the double super secret encrypted (AP) communications channel we use. The conversation was a snap to transcribe. I just asked my PRISM mole to print it out for me.
al-Myass: You have to get me out of here.
JWD: Why? Is your cover blown?
al-Myass: No. The 5 wives are driving me nuts. 5 anniversaries, 5 birthdays, 5 mother in laws! Every time I turn around I'm under the gun. The worst is dinner time. Do you have any idea what it's like having 5 separate conversations about your day trying to pretend you like the cooking? I'm about to crack, man.
JWD: Try to hang in there.
al-Myass: And the meals are "halal." You know what that means? No alcohol. No alcohol! I can tell you how to get these people to stop thinking about blowing up buildings right now. Just tell them Mohammed invented beer and the world will become a paradise of peaceful coexistence over night.
JWD: Calm down. You must at least be getting some sex.
al-Myass: Meh. Screwing a potato sack with eyes gets real old real quick.
JWD: Geez, you are losing it. It'll be good for your cover. What have you got for me?
al-Myass: Now that the Obama administration has leaked sources and methods with that teleconference cover story, al-Qaeda is switching to ObamaPhones.
JWD: ObamaPhones? Aren't they traceable?
al-Myass: Maybe by PRISM, but certainly not by the Obama administration.
JWD: So, what's the big plan for escaping the PRISM net?
al-Myass: Jihadi leadership is meeting at a conference right now. In Taliban controlled Afghanistan. They are learning how to talk like inner city American drug dealers. Then they will have a specialized code for translating words and terms back to terror plots.
JWD: Aren't they worried about their English accents being a problem?
al-Myass: Not at all. They will have a dozen fake drug gangs in as many American cities set up in a couple of weeks. Should have DEA chasing its tail for years.
JWD: Clever devils! I'll get somebody on profiling ObamaPhone stores right away. Try not to murder somebody on assignment.
al-Myass: It ain't easy.
“If You Can’t Scoop It, Make It Up.”
(AP) - Jack Wiley Dithers Reporting
Update 1:15 pm
My contact in the Fairfax County PD reports MS-13 is facing stiff competition from a new Pakistani drug trafficking gang that seems to have sprung up out of nowhere.
Update 3:30 pm
LAPD Gang Units cleaning up two separate drive by shooting incidents. Crip leader and Blood leader shot dead 5 miles apart simultaneously. Eyewitness accounts say the unidentified third gang was wearing orange Gitmo style jump suits as colors.
“If You Can’t Scoop It, Make It Up.”
My al-Qaeda mole recently contacted me via the double super secret encrypted (AP) communications channel we use. The conversation was a snap to transcribe. I just asked my PRISM mole to print it out for me.
al-Myass: You have to get me out of here.
JWD: Why? Is your cover blown?
al-Myass: No. The 5 wives are driving me nuts. 5 anniversaries, 5 birthdays, 5 mother in laws! Every time I turn around I'm under the gun. The worst is dinner time. Do you have any idea what it's like having 5 separate conversations about your day trying to pretend you like the cooking? I'm about to crack, man.
JWD: Try to hang in there.
al-Myass: And the meals are "halal." You know what that means? No alcohol. No alcohol! I can tell you how to get these people to stop thinking about blowing up buildings right now. Just tell them Mohammed invented beer and the world will become a paradise of peaceful coexistence over night.
JWD: Calm down. You must at least be getting some sex.
al-Myass: Meh. Screwing a potato sack with eyes gets real old real quick.
JWD: Geez, you are losing it. It'll be good for your cover. What have you got for me?
al-Myass: Now that the Obama administration has leaked sources and methods with that teleconference cover story, al-Qaeda is switching to ObamaPhones.
JWD: ObamaPhones? Aren't they traceable?
al-Myass: Maybe by PRISM, but certainly not by the Obama administration.
JWD: So, what's the big plan for escaping the PRISM net?
al-Myass: Jihadi leadership is meeting at a conference right now. In Taliban controlled Afghanistan. They are learning how to talk like inner city American drug dealers. Then they will have a specialized code for translating words and terms back to terror plots.
JWD: Aren't they worried about their English accents being a problem?
al-Myass: Not at all. They will have a dozen fake drug gangs in as many American cities set up in a couple of weeks. Should have DEA chasing its tail for years.
JWD: Clever devils! I'll get somebody on profiling ObamaPhone stores right away. Try not to murder somebody on assignment.
al-Myass: It ain't easy.
“If You Can’t Scoop It, Make It Up.”
(AP) - Jack Wiley Dithers Reporting
Update 1:15 pm
My contact in the Fairfax County PD reports MS-13 is facing stiff competition from a new Pakistani drug trafficking gang that seems to have sprung up out of nowhere.
Update 3:30 pm
LAPD Gang Units cleaning up two separate drive by shooting incidents. Crip leader and Blood leader shot dead 5 miles apart simultaneously. Eyewitness accounts say the unidentified third gang was wearing orange Gitmo style jump suits as colors.
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