The New Journolisters: Spinning the Unspinnable Edition

(AP) – Jack Wiley Dithers reporting.

When last we checked in on the New Journolisters, they were engaged in an erudite live analysis on election night 2010, courtesy of a chat room service hosted by National Public Radio (NPR). Shortly after our coverage, the NPR hosted chat room was shut down, and we lost track of the New Journolisters.

Recently, however, the New Journolisters and our cracker-jack investigative journalism team stumbled into one another again. It seems the New Journolisters are chatting it up again – on a server belonging to Obama For America (OFA). What they didn’t know is we have placed an entry level IT geek on the OFA staff, who is willing to do our bidding for a limitless supply of free Xbox games.

Herewith is a recent discussion thread.

==

Ezra Klein: A principled conservative black man is now the GOP primary front runner. This could be an absolute disaster.

Joe Klein: If we lose the black community our only captive constituencies will be ditzy pseudo-socialites, overeducated pseudo-intellectuals, and illegals. Ideas?

Spencer Ackerman: Smash him through a plate glass window!

David Wiegel: Lynch the teabagging race traitor!

 Jeffrey Toobin: Come on, guys, this is serious. Cain has a real tax reform plan. With details we can attack. A real tactical mistake on his part. Let’s get to work.

Jonathan Cohn: Let’s mock the 9-9-9 as 6-6-6. That should get under the skin of the religious right.

Paul Krugman: I ran some calculations and 6-6-6 is actually a lower effective tax rate than 9-9-9. This line of attack might backfire because it could become popular with the public.

David Brooks: I looked up his educational credentials on the Internet. Nothing from the Ivy League – we need to tar him as not belonging to the educated class.

Eugene Robinson: No, better to attack him as not really black.

Maureen Dowd: That might backfire too. Unlike Obama, both of Cain’s parents are really black.

Joe Klein: I think we’re stuck on this one, let’s move on to something else and come back to this later.

Ezra Klein: Good idea fake dad (/sarc). What can we do to pump up OccupyWallStreet?

Spencer Ackerman: We should arrange to have an occupier jump through a plate glass window, and blame the cops.

David Wiegel: No, blame a teabagger! Sarah Palin!

Jeffrey Toobin: Has anybody actually gone down there and talked to somebody?

Maureen Dowd: Ick!

Eugene Robinson: Too many white people. It scares me.

David Brooks: I haven’t seen a single photo of anybody with a decent pants crease. No way I’m talking to anybody that looks like that.

Edward T. Hall III: Help us!

Joe Klein: We need to move on, folks.

Ezra Klein: How do we help defuse the ‘Fast and Furious’ scandal?

Spencer Ackerman: Smash Darrell Issa through a plate glass window!

David Wiegel: Claim we can trace all the guns to Sarah Palin's church!

Eugene Robinson: Spin Issa as a racist for investigating Eric Holder.

Jonathan Cohn: Spin Issa as homophobic for not investigating Barney Frank.

Maureen Dowd: Spin Issa as misogynistic for not investigating Nancy Pelosi.

David Brooks: I found out from the Internet that Issa dropped out of high school. Let’s take the educated class angle.

Paul Krugman: Easy! It was just stimulus for Mexico. It would have worked if we had only spent more!

Mr. Soros: Damn it! I’m shutting this thing down right now!

BREAKING: LibertyAtStake Opens Online Store

(AP ) - Jack Wiley Dithers Reporting.

Our cracker-jack investigative journalism team learned today the conservative blogger known as LibertyAtStake has opened an online store to peddle cheap merchandise for profit. One of our investigators was moonlighting as a grounds keeper at the Cameron Run Regional Park miniature golf course in Alexandria, VA – when he overheard LAS say to his son “soon we join the one percent, boy.” This investigator, obviously with a well-tuned ear, contacted me immediately via mobile telephonic device, and I quickly leapt at the opportunity. I contacted our mutual friend Francis Charles Hamilton via landline (the anachronistic bastard), and I thusly discovered LAS’ whereabouts this week. Armed with this knowledge, I was able to arrange an interview with LAS.

==

[begin: interview]

JWD: So, why did you decide to monetize the blog?
LAS: What, do you think I’m doing this for my health? Do you think this is some kind of socialist utopia, or something?

JWD: Oh, I see you’re in a crappy mood tonight. Let’s just do the interview, OK?
LAS: Alright.

JWD: Why did you choose CafePress as the online store service?
LAS: Well, I test drove Zazzle and CafePress. It was a quick decision for me … quite simply, the CafePress user experience was a lot better. Either I was drunk test driving Zazzle, and sober test driving CafePress – or CafePress really is better. Either way, CafePress works for me.

JWD: What do you have on the online store?
LAS: A lot of cheap crap with my branding.

JWD: What the hell is wrong with you tonight?
LAS: Let’s just do the interview, OK?

JWD: Have you previously sought revenue with the blog project?
LAS: Well, quite awhile ago I installed a PayPal tip jar bleg. But none of my readers hit it. The tight bastards. So, I figured maybe some of them would part with a couple sheckles if they got a cheap tee-shirt out of the deal.

JWD: Do you have any complaints about CafePress? As if ..
LAS: Well, yeah! I filled in my shopkeeper bio - all complete and everything - LinkedIn, Facebook, Blogspot - you name it. I even clicked that sidebar inclusion checkbox thingee. Still can't see the bio in the online store. It's really pissing me off.

JWD: Uhhhh … Why is your blog so awesome?
LAS: Oh, I see you’ve finally gotten to the list of interview questions I faxed you. And look, I’m already late for my next appointment. You’ve wasted my time again, Dithers.

[end: interview]

==

Click here for LAS’ awesome new online store.

==

Update 10/16/2011

9:07 pm

Just seen on the Daily Caller site.  LAS hopes (assumes) CafePress's intentions are pure.

Newton's Three Laws (Part 22)

LAS is going all abstract on this one. Because as my A.D.D. generation 13 year old often tells me: words hurt the brain. And not only do I desire contemporaneous mass success amongst the A.D.D. generation with this project - but, more importantly, I want my kids to be able to understand at least part of the archive later in life.

==

Prologue to the Great Looney Left Occupation of October 2011...

==

More like "Release the flea-bitten mangy mutts" ...

==

Epilogue to the Great Looney Left Occupation of October 2011...

Well, actually it’s far from over at this point. Barry’s Bolshevik Brigade (hat tip Chris Plante) will not be discouraged by witnessing the utter failure of its first assault wave. Because remember: the Left never, ever, relinquishes political power willingly.

These lunatics still have cards in the deck yet un-played.

For example, they have not yet turned loose their union thugs on the streets. This is now practically inevitable – and those nut jobs are far more muscular and much more determined to create true mayhem. When Barry releases these berserkers there will be a serious turning point where the nation’s cops have to choose between law and order vs. union sympathies. I trust the cops will choose wisely.

Then there is the martial law play called for by the blueprint written by Cloward-Piven, Ayers, et. al. With an all volunteer citizen armed force this play stands zero chance of succeeding. Which will not necessarily prevent them from trying. Because remember: the Left never, ever, relinquishes political power willingly.

Footnote

And they all think they are so damn smart. Like the creepy guy who parked outside my house yesterday afternoon with MD plates 7FX K68 apparently trying to break into my home wi-fi network. And the even creepier dude with VA plates FDP1PR doing the same this evening. GLWT, pathetic little script kiddies.


Update 10/12/11

OccupyLA trotted out the "Most Interesting Man In the World" (Dos Equis beer commercial reference) for a rousing socialist revolutionary rant.




Update 10/13/2011

You just had to know Camp Stinky on Wall Street would have connections to George Soros ...

Also ... it rained like hell in DC today, but I worked at home, so I have no first hand knowledge yet of the storm's effects on Camp Stinky at Freedom Plaza or Camp Stinky at McPherson Square.  I'll try to launch an investigation in my spare time tomorrow while in the office.

Update 10/14/2011

One final update to cap off the week before we move on to other topics ...
And the winner of the coveted award as OccupyWallStreet's telethon poster child ... drum roll please ... is this sad lunatic.

10/15/2011

And here's a full bio on the poor, downtrodden fellow.


10/19/2011

Off the Snark U. roll and into the archivable post.  Just for future historians.  Click the pic.

10/20/2011

More occupation nuttiness for the historical record.

OccupyDC: The Blackberry Photo Essay

Photos: October 7, 2011

Simply because it was a fine afternoon (weather wise), I needed to decompress from two solid hours of meetings, I live in a fantastic society where virtually everyone carries a telephone with a built-in camera, and there was a gathering mere blocks away the biased MSM assured me was 'historic.'

Freedom Plaza at approximately 1:15 pm - which I would have thought would be prime rantin' time ...

East to West on Freedom Plaza - I was hoping for more lunatics.

This elderly moonbat agreed to pose for me taking a photo of the young moonbat photographing her. I wonder what she thinks of the system that generated the standard of living that made this possible. She thanked me for covering the event. I don't think she'll appreciate the coverage much.

West to east on Freedom Plaza. While I was snapping the photo, I overheard one of the moonbats state she needed to find a bank. What kind of candy-ass radical does business with the enemy, anyway?

The only other moonabt gaggle (you know, aside from the usual DC fauna) I saw on the return walk was camped out at 15th and K streets. Perhaps they received faulty maps from the organizers. They were doing that odd repetitive chant thing we've seen them do across the country recently. One of the moonbats explained to me it is "the People's microphone" - designed to amplify a message across distance. More proof they really do want us living a stone age standard of living. And besides, I didn't see anybody around who gave a sh*t that couldn't hear the originating speaker just fine.

Footnote

And, of course, Newton Part 22 is literally writing itself as these moonbats fan out across the country in tiny, easily dissected, bands. My personal favorite is "OccupyCincinnati" - can't wait for Les Nessman's report.

Update 10/8/2011

It now looks like the nuttiest occupydc moonbats were resting up yesterday ... apparently in order to mount a crazed assault on the Smithsonian's Air and Space Museum.

The American Spectator has a fantastic same day 'Gonzo' piece.

Do not forget how I began this line of inquiry a couple of weeks ago ... The Left never, ever, reliquishes political power willingly.

Update 10/10/11

A new work week, and more data on Barry's little class warfare gambit.

I noticed during my brief lunch break that the small band camping out at 15th and K Streets was still blighting the scenery. I spoke with a few of them. Let me first say I must give them high marks for politeness.  But also low marks for a very tenuous grasp on how the world works. Overall, I’d have to say the vibe was very similar to a Boy Scout camp out, to be perfectly honest.

So, I guess the Washington Examiner’s reporter Timothy P. Carney is correct that the true Marxist believers are concentrated on Wall Street. Sounds to me like a chance to round them all up on the cheap.

Also, the other sign that Barry’s little class warfare gambit is a gigantic fail … today was a federal holiday - and I didn’t see one single bureau-weenie out there showing solidarity with the occupiers.

Automatic Promotion

Deserving of immediate archivable post status.

Iffin' you get it, go do it.

And the next movement ...

Newton's Three Laws (Part 21)

Part 21 of the Newtonian series became necessary when I realized I had given short shrift to a key idea in Part 20. After writing “…the problem for the republic is the Left never, ever, relinquishes political power willingly,” I turned the corner very quickly to optimism about the ultimate outcome of the republic’s fight to beat back the scourge of Progressivism. Yes, LAS does indeed stipulate the 2012 election cycle is nearly certain to bring a new dawn of national prosperity, pride, and optimism - all by virtue of simply running the corrupt Progressive gang out of DC. This certainty, however, is based on an underlying assumption. This assumption is that the American people are up to enduring one hell of a fight to remove the Left’s current grip on DC power. Glossing over this assumption in Part 20 was kind of like skipping directly to planning the victory parade, without first drawing up a battle plan. My mistake. Because, repeat it once again with me, “the Left never, ever, relinquishes political power willingly.”

You can be absolutely certain the Community-Agitator-In-Chief now serving as the Left’s titular head is hell bent on retaining his power. After alienating all but his hard Left base with his corrupt and incompetent governance, the Empty Suit Known as Barack Hussein Obama now has no choice but to run hard and fast off the edge of the electoral cliff - surrounded by his most loyal, chanting point screaming, totally unhinged, irredeemably Progressive adherents. Barry is determined to go down in a blaze of Leftist public display of insanity, and he has kicked off his Magical Agitation Tour to ensure this outcome. If all goes according to plan, history could very well get the first POTUS impeached for ‘disturbing the peace.’

==

Barry’s Magical Agitation Tour

The ‘Community Organizer’ America elected POTUS in 2008 is fulfilling the old saw “be careful what you ask for, you might get it.” Barry has decided the best strategery (sic) available to him for 2012 re-election is to do what Community Organizers do best – rile up malcontents and put them in the street to be public nuisances.

Speaking to the Congressional Black Caucus – he instructed his street zombies to "put on their marchin’ shoes" – code for get out there and raise some hell for Barry.

While raising funds in California for this contemptible campaign plan, he leveled the veiled threat “[my way or] we’re gonna have problems.” Gee, what kind of problems would those be, Barry?

When Barry took the Magical Agitation Tour to Florida, he tried to subliminally boost morale among his street zombies by reassuring them the rest of us have grown ‘soft.’

==

The Hard Left is Already Answering the Call

Barry’s street zombies are answering the muster call. But before I present the recent proof of this, let us review just how batshit crazy these people are, by taking a quick stroll through the J.A.U.L. Gallery I am now certain is just getting under way. Click the graphic …

The most recent addition concerns these mindless idiots taking the standard Leftist call and response chant to new levels of stupidity.

These nut jobs are the shock troopers that will launch wildly into the ‘Progressive October Offensive’ one of Barry’s chief lieutenants – Van Jones – told us about on the program of one of Barry’s MSM lackeys – Lawrence O’Donnell.

They’ve already made a continuing general nuisance of themselves in Manhattan.

They’ve made their hateful presence known in Boston.

We’ve already seen what mayhem the more aggressive union thug subspecies of JAUL is capable of creating on the docks.

And, apparently, beginning this coming Thursday, this mindless rabble will begin assembling in DC just a few blocks walk from where LAS toils in obscurity for meager pay.

==

Sunlight is the Best Disinfectant

So, how successful will these malcontents be? LAS confidently predicts the manic efforts of these malcontents will be highly annoying, somewhat destructive, and utterly in vain to their intended purposes. The JAUL will be a very demoralized and disappointed creature one year hence.

How do I know? Point 1: Louis Brandeis laid down the philosophical foundation with his famous quote “sunlight is the best disinfect” – meaning, of course, exposing chicanery to transparency is always its undoing. Point 2: We live in the newly dawning age of social media – I think I covered that sufficiently in Part 20. Point 3: They (the Left) are who they are, which means they are definitely not you (the vast majority of Americans).

The corrupt and biased MSM will ignore point 1, and seek to subvert their access to old media to obscure point 3. Their efforts will be fruitless because you now have access to the new media availed by point 2, allowing you to bypass those sclerotic dinosaurs in the MSM.

Let the chaos begin so we can finally be done with it.  It's what your Agitator-In-Chief wants.

Footnotes

Signs the Conservative Ascendancy is in good fighting trim ...

Gallup demonstrates that the American public, by a three to one margin, distrust the very thing Barry and his corrupt gang of malcontents seek to impose more of on you - gub'ment control.

Who knew there was even such a thing as "Berkeley College Republicans"? (Yet we always did know irony is lost on Leftists, didn't we?)

And finally, slightly off topic yet very indicative of what we're dealing with: I tried to warn the establishment GOP the uber duper commission is a Leftist trap.

Guess who LAS is, and who the establishment GOP operatives are, in this classic Python clip.




Update 10/3/2011

And the biased MSM template is ... drum roll please ... false equivalency with the TEA Party movement. (The scorecard for arrests is all it will take to blow that one out of the water.)