“If You Can’t Scoop It, Make It Up.”
After reading the Washington Post's dumbest editorial ever (and, believe me, that's a helluva an achievement), I considered writing a
But, since WaPo's circulation is now restricted to a few thousand tipsy Georgetown socialites, plus the navel-gazing panty-waisted liberal DC press corps, I didn't waste my time.
Instead, I decided to have a little fun with it. I went to the National Press Club bar, where I am still credentialed (if universally regarded with suspicion), to drown my despondency at the state of today's corrupt and biased liberal lamestream media. About 30 minutes in, I put my little-known ventriloquist skills to work. I threw me voice to the west end of the room - "Republicans are racists!" I threw my voice to the east end of the room - "Republicans are misogynists!" Then recorded the predictable consequence.
I believe the liberal panty-waists claiming racism defeated those asserting misogyny ... but, then again, maybe it was a draw. Equal scores for idiocy.
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Chuckling all the way, I made my way to the stately Capitol Hill townhouse owned by Francis Charles Hamilton, Vast Right Wing Conspiracy (VRWC) board member, and purveyor of a well-stocked open bar, to spread news of my exploits.
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To my great dismay, Hamilton burst my bubble by telling me he had knowledge the hard core right wing zealouts John McCain and Lindsey Graham were in fact misogynistic racists. McCain had once confided to Hamilton that he (McCain) repeatedly required the black American POWs to go to the back of the line for gruel, when he was ranking POW at the Hanoi Hilton. He also told me the VRWC board knew the source of the rumors Graham is gay - he buys large quantities of women's clothes off the rack not to wear them, but to limit women's choices in the marketplace. Insidiously clever misogyny at work.
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Hamilton even produced a recent memo McCain and Graham, stalwart right wing extremists that they are, had circulated among the VRWC board members. I simply must share this memo with the Post's editors so they can finally have a shred of evidence supporting their otherwise ridiculous assertions.
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TO: Vast Right Wing Conspiracy (VRWC) National Board
SUBJ: Susan Rice Nomination for Secretary of State
DATE: September 17, 2012
Gentlemen, thank God there are still no ladies on the board. This weekend we witnessed the spectacle of a potential nominee for Secretary of State claiming a poorly produced YouTube trailer for a low budget film practically no one on Planet Earth has ever seen was the root cause of four American deaths during an Islamist terror attack directed at the American Consulate and associated CIA Annex in Benghazi, Libya. This pathetically misinformed administration spokesperson is both black and female. She is the probable nominee to be the next nominee for Secretary of State. This nomination must be opposed due to her gender and race. I hope you will join us in this worthy cause, since we still can't seem to convince you general amnesty for illegal immigrants is a good idea.
Always Yours in Vast Right Wing Solidarity,
The Honorable John McCain, US Senator
The Honorable Lindsey Graham, US Senator
(AP) – Jack Wiley Dithers Reporting
“If You Can’t Scoop It, Make It Up.”
