Debt ceiling negotiations continued today at the White House, after Barack Hussein Obama committed an egregious breach of constitutional protocol and imperially “summoned” the leaders of a co-equal branch of government to a meeting on his home turf. Our crack investigative journalism team has learned the congressional leaders debated their response throughout the evening and finally concluded, “why not? (nothing will be decided anyway)”.
Our crack investigative journalism team is the only DC media outlet with a still functioning listening device in the Oval Office, left over from the Nixon administration. We can therefore provide you with the following raw transcript.
Obama: OK, let’s keep this under an hour – I’ve got a two o’clock tee time at Andrews.
Biden: Oooh, donuts!
Obama: I need a deal to authorize the Treasury to print more monopoly money – and pronto! Who has a plan?
Pelosi: Not me. I’m still working on the 2010 budget.
Reid: Let me know when you send that thing over, Nancy.
Obama: That reminds me - what happened to my 2012 budget?
Reid: Rejected! 97 to nuthin!
Reid: Looked too unserious when Ryan came out with his budget.
Boehner: I passed Ryan’s budget. And 'Cut, Cap, and Balance,' too.
Reid: Rejected! Waaaay tooooo serious.
Obama: Damn, Harry, can’t you say ’yes’ to anything?
Reid: Well, I’m holding out for Mitch’s plan. I like that plan.
Obama: Me too.
Boehner: That won’t get through the House, trust me.
McConnell: Come on, John, you can do it. The public loves compromise at any price.
Obama: OK, I think we’ve made some progress here – where are my clubs?
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