English-To-English Translation

Fox News reported in its Grapevine segment last evening that Progressive hero and duly elected member of Congress Dennis Kucinich disclaimed giving embarrassingly panderiferous praise to the Syrian thugocrat and dictator Bashar Assad – by claiming the English language publication of his English words was mistranslated!

My immediate reaction … so what? He’s a Leftie, just be glad he didn’t bow to the foreign dictator. But after a moment’s reflection, it gave me an idea for how to treat yesterday’s embarrassingly empty news conference performance by the Empty Suit Known as Barack Hussein Obama. It was empty of useful ideas, empty of leadership, and empty of journalism – but positively bulging (gratuitous shot at RepWeiner) with comedic potential for this blog.

So, making reference to the transcript the Wall Street Journal had the nerve to post on the Intertubes for anyone to see … I give you the English-to-English translation of a number of statements uttered by the Empty Suit Known as Barack Hussein Obama.

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BHO: The struggles of middle-class families were a big problem long before the recession hit in 2007.
E2E: I think I can still get some mileage out of the ‘Blame Bush’ meme if I’m not as explicit with it.

BHO: Today, our administration is trying to take those steps, so we’re reviewing government regulations so that we can fix any rules in place that are an unnecessary burden on businesses.
E2E: Maybe we can draw attention to a meaningless faculty lounge seminar exercise concerning a few meaningless regs, and thereby divert attention from the fact ObamaCare and EPA regs are pounding business into the ground.

BHO: Right now, Congress could send me a bill that puts construction workers back on the job rebuilding roads and bridges …
E2E: I need the Republicans to make the huge mistake of becoming complicit in the Keynesian stimulus boondoggle, to muddy the waters for the 2012 elections.

BHO: And right now, we could give middle-class families the security of knowing that the tax cut I signed in December will be there for one more year.
E2E: In the debt ceiling negotiations, I will be holding middle class tax rates hostage to my sacred cow of raising taxes on the job producers of the nation.

BHO: But everyone also knows that we’ll need to do more to close the deficit.
E2E: Damn those TEA Partiers.

BHO: And, yes, we’re going to have to tackle spending in the tax code.
E2E: It’s the gub’ments money, and the gub’ment can’t afford for you to take those deductions anymore.

BHO: The tax cuts I’m proposing we get rid of are tax breaks for millionaires and billionaires; tax breaks for oil companies and hedge fund managers and corporate jet owners.
E2E: It’s the gub’ments money, and the gub’ment can’t afford for anyone to be prosperous anymore.

BHO: So the bottom line is this: Any agreement to reduce our deficit is going to require tough decisions and balanced solutions.
E2E: I need to take my third mulligan, because I tossed my first unserious budget when Paul Ryan published his ten year plan, and my second budget is just a ‘framework.’

BHO: Call me naïve, but my expectation is that leaders are going to lead.
E2E: My naïve plan is to demagogue Congressional leaders into doing the heavy lifting while I’m out on the links.

BHO: I, as Commander-in-Chief, have to have difficult conversations with the Pentagon saying, you know what, there’s fat here; we’re going to have to trim it out.
E2E: I, as Community-Agitator-In-Chief, wake up every day salivating at the prospect of gutting the Pentagon budget.

BHO: I don’t think that’s a sustainable position. [On GOP opposition to tax hikes]
E2E: Our internal polling shows we can still win the class warfare argument demagogically.

BHO: You can’t reduce the deficit to the levels that it needs to be reduced without having some revenue in the mix.
E2E: It’s all the gub’ments money.

BHO: [On War Powers Act] And this suddenly becomes the cause célèbre for some folks in Congress? Come on.
E2E: I need to diminish this issue with mockery, like Alinsky taught me, to protect my flank on Impeachment.

BHO: [On Gay marriage] And so I think the combination of what states are doing, what the courts are doing, the actions that we’re taking administratively, all are how the process should work.
E2E: I sure hope it’s never conclusively decided on a pure plebescite, because that’s never gone well for our side.

BHO: and it turns out that the President — I’ve discovered since I’ve been in this office — can’t dictate precisely how this process moves
E2E: Damn those TEA Partiers.

BHO: I think it’s important for us to look at rebuilding our transportation infrastructure in this country.
E2E: Never enough redistribution of other people’s money to unionized construction projects.

BHO: what I think defies common sense would be a notion that we would be shutting down a plant or laying off workers because labor and management can’t come to a sensible agreement. [On NLRB’s tyrannical action against Boeing relocation from a union state to a right to work state]
E2E: We can’t have capitalists freely hooking up with self-interested workers and not have union dues funneled to Democrat politicians.

BHO: [The entire reply to “Admiral McRaven’s testimony before Congress that he was concerned that there wasn’t a clear procedure to be followed if a terrorist were captured alive abroad.”]
E2E: There isn’t one.

BHO: Well, I didn’t use “victory” in my West Point speech, either
E2E: I didn’t sign up for this war time President thing.

BHO: Our work [in Afghanistan] is not done.
E2E: Damn it, I didn’t sign up for this war time President thing!

BHO: around two weeks, a little less than two weeks, we had transitioned where NATO had taken full control of the operation. So promise made, promise kept.
E2E: I’m ‘Leading From Behind’ … because, like I said, I didn’t sign up for this war time President thing!

BHO: He [Ghaddafi] needs to step down. He needs to go.
E2E: I can’t believe the pr*ck has hung on for so long … Damn it, I didn’t sign up for this war time President thing!

BHO: I’m not going to make news on that [personal view of same sex marriage] today.
E2E: Gay lobby still in the bag politically, no need to risk alienating other voters.

BHO: I think that it makes perfect sense for us to take a look at can we extend the payroll tax, for example, an additional year,
E2E: Payroll tax holiday for employees is a really good class warfare pander for me.

BHO: my attorney general has made clear that he certainly would not have ordered gun running to be able to pass through into Mexico
E2E: I’m confident the ‘Fast and Furious’ cover up is in good shape, so far.

BHO: With respect to E-verify, we need comprehensive immigration reform
E2E: I’ve promised the illegal immigration lobby ‘no deal without amnesty’

BHO: it wouldn’t be appropriate for me to comment on the investigation if I don’t — if it’s not yet completed.
E2E: Man, that whole ‘Beer Summit’ thing really sucked.  Don't want to do that again.

BHO: These are bills that Congress ran up.
E2E: I can’t really get away with ‘Blame Bush’ for stuff I signed into law. I don’t think so, anyway.

BHO: This is a matter of Congress going ahead and biting the bullet and making some tough decisions
E2E: I’ve got a full golf calendar and I’ll be ‘leading from behind.’

BHO: And so there’s no point in procrastinating
E2E: I’m gonna be really p*ssed off if I have to cancel a round of golf.

BHO: Well, just like a company like Alcoa, America has got to make some investments.
E2E: Never forget it’s all the gub’ments money.

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Like shooting fish in a barrel.