(AP) – Jack Wiley Dithers Reporting.
Last weekend, an ambitious member of our cracker-jack investigative journalism team won a drinking game, and consequently a bet, with his Mossad contact. The Mossad man seems to have temporarily forgotten about the inverse relationship between physical fitness and tolerance for adult beverages, before foolishly taking on our portly investigator in his prime element. Mossad’s loss is our gain, and yours as well, dear reader. To pay off his debt, the Mossad man has delivered to us the following diplomatic cables between Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu and American President Barack Hussein Obama.
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Following the ‘unprecedented’ and 'historic’ June 4, 2009 empty
Obama speechification in Cairo …
_From: Benjamin Netanyahu, Prime Minister of Israel
___To: Barack Hussein Obama, President of the United States
_Time: 2009-06-05 01:00 GMT
Open hand? Clenched fist? What was that, some kind of lesson on the rules of ‘rock, paper, scissors’? Why don’t you just give Khamenei the bomb yourself?
_From: Barack Hussein Obama, President of the United States
___To: Benjamin Netanyahu, Prime Minister of Israel
_Time: 2009-06-05 01:04 GMT
Just stand by and watch my genius unfold.
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During the heat of the massive Iranian street demonstrations erupting under the “Green Movement” banner, which protested the
Iranian regime stealing the June 2009 sham election …
_From: Benjamin Netanyahu, Prime Minister of Israel
___To: Barack Hussein Obama, President of the United States
_Time: 2009-10-01 14:13 GMT
Have arranged for Iranian dissident Mohsen Makhmalbaf to arrive in Washington. We have worked with him before. Very reliable. Can be your conduit for soft and black support to Green Movement.
_From: Benjamin Netanyahu, Prime Minister of Israel
___To: Barack Hussein Obama, President of the United States
_Time: 2009-10-10 13:54 GMT
Why aren’t you seeing Mohsen Makhmalbaf? What is your policy? Please advise.
_From: Barack Hussein Obama, President of the United States
___To: Benjamin Netanyahu, Prime Minister of Israel
_Time: 2009-10-11 15:22 GMT
Open hand.
_From: Benjamin Netanyahu, Prime Minister of Israel
___To: Barack Hussein Obama, President of the United States
_Time: 2009-10-11 15:25 GMT
Open hand?!? That thing has been cut off, bronzed, and mounted on the wall by Khamenei! Why don’t you just give him the bomb yourself?
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Commemorating
Obama’s epic snub of Netanyahu at the White House …
_From: Barack Hussein Obama, President of the United States
___To: Benjamin Netanyahu, Prime Minister of Israel
_Time: 2010-03-24 05:15 GMT
So, about those 13 demands?
_From: Benjamin Netanyahu, Prime Minister of Israel
___To: Barack Hussein Obama, President of the United States
_Time: 2010-03-24 05:31 GMT
My chief of staff, under my orders, wiped his ass with your document, and set it on fire by means of bic lighter and fart.
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Turkey and Brazil hatch a plot to swap nuclear fuel rods with Iran … for the interests of peace, you know …
_From: Benjamin Netanyahu, Prime Minister of Israel
___To: Barack Hussein Obama, President of the United States
_Time: 2010-05-18 12:23 GMT
Our Ankara and Brasilia stations have solid information this fuel swap is cover for Russian sponsored transfer of weapons grade uranium to Tehran, coming soon.
_From: Benjamin Netanyahu, Prime Minister of Israel
___To: Barack Hussein Obama, President of the United States
_Time: 2010-05-25 12:28 GMT
Our Moscow station now knows why you’ve been ignoring Ankara and Brasilia intel. Why don’t you just give Khamenei the bomb yourself?
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Shortly after Egyptian President Hosne
Mubarak has been deposed with BHO’s transparently tacit approval …
_From: Benjamin Netanyahu, Prime Minister of Israel
___To: Barack Hussein Obama, President of the United States
_Time: 2011-04-01 13:11 GMT
Our Cairo station strongly believes Muslim Brotherhood and other Islamic radicals will win elections by wide margins. Can your people help keep peace treaty intact?
_From: Benjamin Netanyahu, Prime Minister of Israel
___To: Barack Hussein Obama, President of the United States
_Time: 2011-04-12 13:44 GMT
Cairo station now knows why you’ve been ignoring election intel. Why don’t you just drive the Egyptian army’s American made tanks into the Sinai yourself?
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It’s AIPAC 2011 conference time, Bibi is on his way to town, and
BHO has instructed Israel it must retreat to indefensible 1967 borders …
_From: Benjamin Netanyahu, Prime Minister of Israel
___To: Barack Hussein Obama, President of the United States
_Time: 2011-05-19 22:00 GMT
1967 borders? AYFKM? What the hell are you trying to pull? Put me on your calendar for a meeting or Moscow station releases Black Sea photos.
_From: Benjamin Netanyahu, Prime Minister of Israel
___To: Barack Hussein Obama, President of the United States
_Time: 2011-05-23 23:16 GMT
“Good solid B+” on your AIPAC speech. Black Sea photos safe and secure for now.
==
On the occasion of
BHO’s open mic gaffe at the 2011 G20 Summit …
_From: Benjamin Netanyahu, Prime Minister of Israel
___To: Barack Hussein Obama, President of the United States
_Time: 2011-11-04 06:11 GMT
Sarkozy should take care of his own Muslim problem and keep his mouth shut. And since when have you been doing anything but double-dealing with me?
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As Iranian nuclear scientists are mysteriously being awarded
untimely demises …
_From: Barack Hussein Obama, President of the United States
___To: Benjamin Netanyahu, Prime Minister of Israel
_Time: 2012-01-11 21:19 GMT
Are you behind scientist assassinations in Iran?
_From: Benjamin Netanyahu, Prime Minister of Israel
___To: Barack Hussein Obama, President of the United States
_Time: 2012-01-11 21:29 GMT
If you had anybody in there, you might have a clue. You should have seen Mohsen Makhmalbaf when I presented him to you.
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A bi-lateral discussion on the timing of military action against Iran’s nuclear weapons program ...
_From: Barack Hussein Obama, President of the United States
___To: Benjamin Netanyahu, Prime Minister of Israel
_Time: 2012-04-10 21:08 GMT
The new round of crippling economic sanctions is nearly guaranteed to dissuade Tehran from building a nuclear weapon, according to our experts. There is no need to risk military intervention prior to 2013.
_From: Benjamin Netanyahu, Prime Minister of Israel
___To: Barack Hussein Obama, President of the United States
_Time: 2012-04-10 21:17 GMT
Tell your faculty lounge wankers their advice is not welcome here. Good luck with that election.
(AP) – Jack Wiley Dithers Reporting.
Footnotes
Bibi speechification for the ages.
Research into this post yielded two new members of the Schieffer Memorial Blog Roll.
Obama Lies Net ... simply cataloging Barry's untruths ... whoulda thunk it?
White House Dossier... transparently documenting the facts of White House malfeasance ... whoulda thunk it?