(AP) – Jack Wiley Dithers reporting.
After all the recent White House staff departures, we were happy to learn that our source still had a job, and also that his shoe recorder remained in good working order. This lucky confluence of conditions has brought to you the following recent Oval Office campaign strategy audio transcript.
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Obama: Man, it’s tough out there on the campaign trail. I got naked guys streaking in front of me, books flying by my head, Michelle wanting to come along, next they’ll make me go to a red state.
Biden: Take it easy, Barack, why when I was a young lad in Scranton hanging out with Bobby Casey …
Reid: I’ve had about enough of your crap, Plugs. You no more knew Bobby Casey in Scranton than my fake TEA Party guy knows which end of the bag to dip!
Biden: We’ll see who’s still attending the January meeting, Harry, heh, heh.
Reid: That’s it, Plugs! You wanna go?!
Biden: Let’s go, right here, right now, old goat!
{sound of chairs sliding across floor}
Obama: Wo, wo, wo, settle down, we have Republicans to demonize ….
{sound of door opening}
Gibbs: Man, it’s tough out there in the briefing room. Nobody’s buying the foreign money thing. Jake Tapper called me the Rain Man! Can you believe it?
Obama: Just keep workin’ it Gibbsy. Hey, David, what else you got?
Axelrod: Nuthin, that’s it.
Obama: No, really …
Axelrod: Really.
Obama: Who are you texting, David?
Axelrod: Schieffer, that sorry sack o’ shit. He ruined everything.
Obama: {sigh} Plouffe, THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT! You were supposed to have that LibertyAtStake guy shut down by now. Why, he called me the Rain Man on the Daily Caller comment board!
Plouffe: He’s tough. I’ve sent troll after troll to get him, nothing works, it’s like that 70’s Robert Redford movie with the mountain man and the Indians.
Pelosi: Well, I’m keeping the gigantic clown gavel no matter what happens.
Clyburn: Only if I can borrow it to knee-cap Alvin Greene.
Obama: Quiet – it’s time for the videoconference feed.
{sounds of buzzing, whirring, and minions adjusting stuff}
Obama: Mr. Soros, is that Andy filing your nails?
Soros: Yep, Stern has been demoted since he screwed up the One Nation Rally.
Obama (muttering): Oh, oh, if Andy can go down …
Obama (normal voice): What are your orders, Mr. Soros?
Soros: You know what? You people are so pathetic…I just don’t know anymore. Stern, where’s my tuxedo…ummm, this meeting’s over!
Biden: Wow, that was a big effin’ deal! What the hell do we do now?
{silence until tape runs out}
Jack Wiley Dithers reporting.
The 90 Miles Mystery Box: Episode #2637
1 hour ago
The evil Nazi collaborator...I mean Soros, is not pleased. That might not bode well for Barry.
ReplyDelete@Matt: I shutter to think what the rest of A. Stern's duties may be in his current role.
ReplyDeleteDo you think Dithers' inside guy can eavesdrop tomorrow during the conversation about Crossroad's fundraising skyrocketing after Obowmuch tried to attack them?
ReplyDeleteI bet Oblamer would have self-destructed if that book had hit him in the head.....