“If You Can’t Scoop It, Make It Up.”
That married caterer I caught wangling his dangle in the adult theater a few years ago finally paid off. What was I doing there, you might ask? You might. Let’s move on.
Anyway, I carefully maintained my
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Dempsey: … and that’s why the Syrian rebels need our immediate help.
Petraeus: We can’t emphasize this enough, sir. As Syria goes, so goes Egypt, and the entire Middle East. Tehran awaits your next move, sir.
Obama: Look, the sandwiches are here. All you scary military industrial complex guys get outtahere. I’m already five minutes late for the campaign team.
[sounds of chairs moving, muffled voices, people leaving and entering]
Obama: What do we have here? Hamburgers in various wrappers … Wendy’s, Checkers, Burger King, Five Guys, White Tower, Roy Roger’s … what happened to McDonald’s?
Unidentified: Mrs. Obama intercepted the cart, sir.
Obama: OK, dig in everybody. Great grub! Man, I’m excited. David, you have the latest polls as usual, right?! I can’t wait to see what they say about the Bain attacks. I gotta be a shoe in now!
Plouffe: David, you got the that?
Axelrod: Ummm, I thought you had it?
Obama: Come on guys give it to me. I’m stoked, dudes! This Bacon Chee is awesome.
Axelrod: Uhhhh …. Ummmm, ahem … sir, your favorability has dropped 9 points.
Obama: What! Which poll! Fox? Rasmussen? Dismiss those right wing nuts. What does CBS and the Times say?
Plouffe: (barely audible) Sir, it is the CBS / Times poll.
[Insert Hitler bunker parody video here]
Obama: Everybody leave except for Biden and Holder.
[sounds of chairs moving, muffled voices, people leaving and entering]
Obama: This is all your fault! Everybody loves me! Always have, always will. I can shit in the punch bowl and get a standing ovation. Believe me, I’ve done it. Literally. All I ask from you is a few class warfare stump speeches. A couple of interviews with journos on the payroll. And what do I get? I have to do gay marriage BEFORE the election! Now I got black preachers calling me around the clock to tear me a new one. You know how many bible clinging peaceniks I lost with that one?
Biden: I think they were already gone over Gitmo.
Obama: Shut up! Now I’m stuck with you. I can’t dump you for Hillary. I’d never be able to leave her outta my sight. She wants this chair so bad she even stayed married to Clinton to get it. And besides, Michelle’s big ass is enough around here. Two would be ridiculous. What am I gonna talk about now? The friggin’ economy? Damnit, what have you got to say for yourself?
Biden: Big effin’ deal?
Obama: {sigh} Jesus, I’m screwed. And you – dude, you really screwed up Fast and Furious something fierce. What - did you outsource it to Biden or something? I was supposed to be giving a speech announcing the rescission of the 2nd Amendment by now. Instead that sonofabitch Issa is sticking a microscope up my ass all because you couldn’t come up with a decent cover story! [fist pounding table] [coughing, hacking] Hey, what the hell is this in my burger? Looks like some kind of microphone or something.
Holder: I didn’t put that there.
(AP) – Jack Wiley Dithers Reporting
“If You Can’t Scoop It, Make It Up.”
Update 7/3/12
If there is an "official" Hitler Parody site, I guess this is it. Enjoy.